Madison Caudle, Soldier

In my book A Royal Mess, the Queen has to learn to let everyone choose their own path. But what path do you choose? How do you decide who you want to be? To celebrate A Royal Mess going on sale, I want to introduce you to some cool people who do something that they love. Something that might sound pretty cool to you, too. 

Meet Airman First Class Madison Caudle
 Air Force
Intel Fusion Analyst

Madison isn't afraid of hard work, loves her country, and believes in herself. She answered my questions about what it takes to join the Air Force. 

Being in the Air Force is the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had so far. There’s a certain pride that comes with taking on this responsibility, and overcoming the challenges involved with this career. I’ve been able to meet lots of new people from all different walks of life. I get to see and experience things that I could have never done as a civilian, and most importantly, I get my chance to serve the greatest country in the world.

What inspired you to join? 

This is an ironic story actually. If you would have asked me about joining the military even two years ago, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. What finally inspired me to join the Air Force was just that…inspiration. I was trying to figure out “what I wanted to be and do when I grew up” and I was having the hardest time making a decision. I knew I wanted to help make a difference, make my time on this earth meaningful, and do something that would feel important to me. I was talking to my uncle who is in the Army National Guard one day, and it just hit me. I knew that this is something I wanted to pursue, and it has been the best decision of my life!

What did you have to do to complete your training?

I had to complete two months of Basic Military Training (a.k.a Boot Camp). My next step is six months of technical training in Texas to become specialized in my job, and then another six months in Florida for extra specialty training to have an edge up.

What was the hardest part?

So far the hardest part of this career has been completing Basic Training. You are thrown into a new environment, with anywhere between 35-50 other girls and live with them for two months straight. There is so much expected of you, and you have to learn to work as a team with people you have never met, and may not even like! Not to mention you don’t have any contact with home for the first four weeks, and then you get 1 phone call and letters (when you can send them). Basic Training is meant to break you down to nothing as a person, so your instructors can build you back up better than you were before. It works! 

What do you love most about being in the Air Force?

The part that I love most about being in the Air Force, is feeling like I am a part of something bigger, and knowing that I am helping make a difference in the lives of the people who live in this country. My unit that I work with is actually more like having a second family!

What are your future plans?

I plan on finishing my technical schools with the Air Force, and then going to college on the civilian side to further/finish my education. As of right now, I plan on being a cyber security analyst, but you never know, that could change in a few years too. I also want to eventually have my own family and kids in the future. 

Madison and her dad, Rick.

What else do you want to be when you grow up? (You know, the crazy-might-not-happen kind of dream...) 

Something else that I would love to be when I grow up…. definitely a high-end fashion designer! I love beautiful things, and I love clothes and fashion! I think it would be amazing to design clothes and styles and be able to watch them go down a runway! And if not the actual designer, I think it would be so cool to at least be able to be the one to choreograph a fashion show, and design the runway and everything else that goes into that. 

Thanks, Madison, for sharing your accomplishments and goals with us.

If you want to tell Madison thank you for serving our country, 
or have questions for her, you can ask in the comments.

If you want to learn more about being in the armed forces, you can go to:    

www.ducksters.com

wiki.kidzsearch.com/wiki/Military


At your local library:

Available From:

The Well-Read Moose,
 Coeur D'Alene
Corner Drug,
Driggs, ID
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Books a Million



When her kingdom falls short in fairy tale rankings, the Queen orders all her subjects to attend her new school for knights and princesses. But when the boys refuse to slay dragons and the girls protest their glass slippers, the Queen has to rethink her idea of happily ever after.

Homegrown Christmas Cards

Prints of gouache and ink by J.L. Parsons

on 4.3 x 5.75 in. white cards, 

(made from the thickest, smoothest, awesomest paper) 

with white envelopes

Choose one design or a multi-pack

20 cards for $16.00

$5.00 shipping  

email orders to jessicaleeparsons@yahoo.com

(If you live close, I deliver!)

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 Merry Christmas to All 

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Merry Berry 

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Merry Mittens 

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www.aroyalmessbook.com

Guest Writer A.J. Parsons

If you raise a reader, you might just raise a writer.

Meet A.J. Parsons,

devourer of books and imaginer of stories.

                           Without further ado, her poem, inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit.

SMAUG

Dark as night, and red as flame,

A whip for a tail the dragon came.

Stole the mountain and the gold

And now, though he has grown old

Remains stronger than one hundred men.

A fire breather in his den, 

sleeping on a golden bed.

Lakemen wish that he was dead.

Sense of smell like a thousand dogs,

Weight equal to at least a million logs 
of pure gold. 
Fire so hot it melts the sky

And a single eye of his two

On a pitch black night could spot you

Teeth like spears and claws like swords

Wings beat a hurricane, the strongest chords 
can’t bind him

Undoubtable, this is Smaug.

                                        By A.J. Parsons

      (who at the time this lightning struck her brain was in fourth grade.)

I managed to track down Miss Parsons for an interview. She's hard to schedule, what with that leaning tower of books on her nightstand, and a batch of fresh kittens in her backyard. 

J.L.

     Thanks for chatting with me. Can I call you A.J.? Do you feel like Harry Potter and I'm Rita Skeeter? 

A.J. 
     In a way, but you're not as pesky and nosey as she is. The difference between you and Rita Skeeter is you know when to stop. 

J.L.

     I hope so! Tell us about this poem, and how it came to you.

A.J.

     My teacher read The Hobbit aloud. I think that we had just gotten to the part when Smaug starts to become part of the story, and we had an art corner. That week our art corner was about some famous poets. Mr. Von Till told us about a type of poem, I can't remember what it was called, but the poem was written in the shape of something. Maybe a circle, or a tear drop. I was having trouble deciding what to write my poem about, then it hit me. Smaug! I was trying to decide what shape I could use for the poem. Since a dragon would be ridiculously complicated, I would use a flame instead. What we did, is everyone drew their shape on a piece of paper and we wrote our poems, and then copied them onto the paper, following the lines of the shape. 

J.L.
     I remember your original being the shape of a flame. Very cool! It's a little different on the computer. Let's google that type of poem and figure out what it's called. Aha! A concrete poem. Cool! You taught me something new.

     So what do you love most about reading? You read all the time.

A.L.
     It's the story itself, and the fact that I get to have some control because there is no screen, so I get to imagine what the characters look like and I get to be a part of the story. 

J.L. 

     I know you never ask a reader what their favorite book is, so I'll ask you for a short list of favorites. 

A.L.
     Well, if you ask me, some of my favorite books are the Wolves of the Beyond series, the Guardians of Ga'hoole series, the Warriors series, and I haven't finished it yet, but I really like The Song of the Summer King by Jess E. Owen. I like Nancy Drew, and Roald Dahl really is the world's more scrumdiddlyumptios story teller. I very much enjoyed Jerry Spinelli's Maniac McGee, and Louis Sachar's Holes. 

J.L.
    What did you like about those books?

A.L.
     From Wolves of the Beyond to Song of the Summer King, I really like those because I love animals. But I love them even more because they were written by very talented authors who think outside the box. The personification that they use for the animals is incredibly creative. They're very exciting and often end in cliff hangers which makes me want to read more. 
     Nancy Drew mysteries are intriguing and there's lots of action, and also I like how Nancy is not a girly-girl. It conveys a message that just because you're a girl doesn't mean you can't trip criminals or trick them when they kidnap you. Usually what happens, is the bad guy kidnaps Nancy, and that ends up being the worst mistake he ever makes. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you should just panic and not do anything about it. 
     I've read several stories by Roald Dahl, and some of my favorites are the BFG, Danny, Champion of the World, and Fantastic Mr. Fox. 

 J.L.
     What do you like so much about Roald Dahl?

A.J.
     He's very creative and often times his books are funny and entertaining. He makes up silly words like snozcumber or scrumdiddlyumptious. That's one of my favorites. 

J.L. 
    That's kind of hard to spell. I think it's obvious you love books for their stories, but now I'm going to tell on you. You're not just a book devourer, your a book inhaler. You smell books! All the time! I look over and you've got your nose pressed right into the spine of a book, breathing in like you're trying to snort the words right off the page. Would you like to explain yourself?

A.L.

     I don't know, they just smell good! Mostly the pages. I've never really smelled the cover. They don't usually smell like anything, especially if it's got that plastic over it like all library books do. I just like the musty, dry smell. If you asked me what I would most want my house to smell like when I'm a grownup, I would want a room with the smell of books. Because if it smells like books, then obviously there are books there, right? It would be cool if someday they could make books that, like, if there was a banana in the story, you could smell a banana. Scented books!

J.L.
     That would be awesome. Do certain books smell better than others?

A.L. 
     Yes. Older books that the pages are getting yellowed, I don't know why but I've always liked that smell maybe a little more than the smell of some newer books. But it all depends on what kind of paper they used. If it's a really old book sometimes they have a really weird tang to them. I think I kind of like, okay, I'm going to have to use a little bit of personification here--middle-aged books smell the best. And also, if it's a brand new book, usually the ones that smell the best to me are those picture books with pages that feel like plastic. Usually, if you sniff the middle of the page, the smell is not quite as potent, I guess, as it would be if you stuck your nose in the spine. That's kind of, for some reason, where the smell all collects, and out on the edges doesn't smell like much. 

J.L.

     What book smells best? That you own.     

A.L. 
    I have a whole bunch of paper back chapter books and I've always thought those have a nice scent, a little bit like our old camper that we used to have, but a bit less musty, because I think the camper was a lot older than those books. 

J.L.
    You've really thought this through! Don't name names, but have you ever met a book you didn't like? Why?

A.L.

     I don't know, I guess that I've been one of those lucky people who never picks out a book that they end up not liking. After a while, being eleven years old, Sesame Street books aren't exactly a party for me anymore. I don't dislike them, I just don't think they're fun to read anymore. But I don't think I've ever read a book that I didn't like. 

J.L. 

     What do you wish more authors would write about?

A.L.

     If we could get more people maybe writing about, um...it would be cool to have some more Narnia type books with maybe kind of the same plot but a little different. Like, some people find a magical world somewhere. There's an entrance other than a wardrobe, for copyright reasons, obviously, it would have to be something different. It would be really cool to have some more of those kinds of books. 

J.L.
     Did you read the Beyonders? 

A.L.
     Nope .

J.L. 
     The entrance is a hippo. You should read it. It's on the shelf. 

A.L. 
      Yeah, and I want to read the 100 Cupboards books, too. I might start that after Song of the Summer King.

J.L.
     You remember I met Jess E. Owen? Just in case she reads this, what do you want to tell her about her book?

A.L.
     I would say that this is the best way I have ever read anyone write about griffins, because it's very realistic, despite being fantasy. I really like it. There's a lot of action and danger and it's very descriptive. I like books like that because it's easier to imagine what's happening and what everyone looks like, and it also makes it a little easier to remember what happened. It's a really, really great book. I don't know why, but I've always loved books with maps in the front. It helps me comprehend what the places in the story look like.

J.L.  
    What kinds of things are you going to do when you grow up? (Besides staying up all night watching movies while eating an entire bag of marshmallows. I already know that.) 

A.L.

      Well, if I'm not up late watching movies, I might be up reading a book, but if I'm not up late then I'll obviously be asleep. But I plan to have a family, and I might be one of those crafty people who make things and sell them. Being an artist would be really fun. Also, to be a music teacher, maybe violin or piano or some other instrument. When I'm in college I might work at a restaurant. I might study science, probably not math, but I might change my mind. Who knows. It would be fun to learn more about history. Language arts is a little boring because it's a lot of stuff we've already been taught. 

J.L. 
    I don't like grammar either. Funny, huh? Since I want to be a writer when I grow up.

A.L.
     Yes. Well, sometimes, the nice thing about being a writer, is when you're using dialogue, you don't have to use the grammar rules. If your character is a hillbilly. You can use ain't and double negatives. 

J.L. 

     Ain't nothin' wrong with that. What should adults know about fifth graders? 

A.L. 
     The main thing is that there's a certain level of tolerance, a certain level of work we can take before we totally malfunction. In my opinion, overloading a fifth grader with work is child abuse. I don't necessarily dislike work all that much. Certain work would be fun to throw into an active volcano. Too much of all work does become torture. If you give some kids too much work, the more work you give them, the less they're going to do. If you want a fifth grader to get good grades, you don't give them a ton of work at once. You have to dish it out in small portions. 

J.L.
    That's a strong anti-homework argument. But you still have to do your homework.

A.L.
     Dang.

J.L. 
     Ok, so here's the final question, and your dessert and maybe your life depend on your answer. Can you remember the entire title of the book I'm going to publish soon?

A.L.
     Kingly College Knight Classes and the Dainty Damsel University of Distress: A Royal Mess.

J.L. 
     You got it! Is that most ridiculous title you've ever heard?

A.L.
    No. For some reason, I've always like long titles. 

J.L.
    Oh good. That's a relief. I've always like them, too. They make me laugh. 
And now, may I show everyone my favorite homework page you ever brought home? You don't even remember, do you. 

A.L. 
      It's the dragon. It's from third grade. I think it's really funny that you saved it for two years. 

J.L. I think it's funny that when your math is done you draw dragons. 

    

J.L. 
     A.J., thanks for the interview. I adore you.

A.J. 
    I'm glad you do. I hope that publishing your book will go well. 

J.L.
    Thanks, kiddo. I hope that being a sixth grader goes well for you.

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In the final proofing process!

www.aroyalmessbook.com

Don't Blame the Fluffy Dresses

Seven years ago, I got my principles hurt by a preschool Halloween party. This was my first preschool Halloween party, mind you, and my oldest daughter and I were gonna do this right. I carefully, diplomatically, expertly convinced her to go for something more unique than a princess dress. 

                                       

A little red electrical tape on her raincoat, some smudges to show she'd come straight from a rescue. I wanna squish those smudgy cheeks!

Then every other girl in the class showed up in the exact same princess costume. Yes, you heard me right. Not only were they all princesses, they were all wearing the EXACT same costume and by the end of the day, my little firefighter had tear streaks through her ash smudges. How dare the world crush her individuality? Look at her! She was adorable, and those darn fluffy dresses ruined everything. 

I went home and waxed poetic in protest. 

The original version of my poem let me vent my feelings about a world that tries to fit everyone into the same mold. But I didn't have it quite right. First of all, I've learned to let my kids pick their own costumes. If she wants to be a fluffy princess, for heaven's sake, let her be a fluffy princess. I was no better than the society I was ranting about, trying to convince her to be something she wasn't excited to be. I really needed to get off of Fluffy Dress's back. There's nothing wrong with a good, sparkly tiara, either, if that's your thing. 

So I rewrote the poem. 

But later I realized there was another reason my story wasn't quite right. I was only focused on the injustices against girls. It took several years, two sons, and a growing disgust with the portrayal of men as idiotic mess-makers in paper towel commercials, for me to realize that I didn't want my story to be about girl power. I don't like girl power. I like "You Power". Who cares if you are a boy or a girl. You have power. 

I feel uncomfortable when my sons are taught that girls are better, just like I feel uncomfortable when my daughters are taught that boys are better.

Point is, my boys feel pressure to become a certain type of person, too. They need a story about being an individual just as badly as my daughters.

So I rewrote the poem again and tucked it in to sleep for many more moons while I focused on other things. 

A while ago, I was asked to speak at an event for 8-11 year old girls. I was supposed to teach them, inspire them, entertain them! Oh crap, right? I remembered my poem, dusty and lonely in a forgotten file. I pulled it out, whipped up some pictures to display while I read it, and hoped that it wouldn't be a big fat fail. What if they don't laugh at the funny parts? What if they don't like my pictures? What if my fly's undone? 

Nearly one hundred girls came through my station in small groups, and I read them my story. Part of my target audience in a giant focus group--writer's dream come true! 

I watched their faces when they caught the message, and I caught the message, too. 

                                                        

More than forty illustrations later, the result is, I hope, a story that is the summation of what I want for my kids. A message I'm trying to send them without their Boring Adult Advice radar going off.  Also, I want them to laugh at my dragons. And color them, actually. It's a coloring book, guys!

This is one of my favorite illustrations because it came straight from the moment that started the whole thing, and because this girl is putting out her own fire, not waiting to be rescued. 

Here's a sneak peak at the cover and story. 

Coming soon! Really soon! 

Kingly College Knight Classes

 and the 

Dainty Damsel University of Distress

A Royal Mess

The Kingdom of Locks is a fairy tale place, 

But the King and the Queen are ashamed. The disgrace!

No damsels in danger, no knights on white steeds.

Fear not! This Queen knows just what her kingdom needs.

A college for knights, a school for princesses!

Bright shining armor and huge, fluffy dresses!

It will be perfect, like love at first sight,

Except that her sons are refusing to fight.

They won't slay the dragons, they won't go to class.

Now girls are protesting their slippers of glass.

If you think you know how all fairy tales end,

I hope that this tale will surprise you, my friend.

P.S. "Color this book!" the front cover declares.

Don't be afraid, for the reader who dares

To color this novel will find they're elated

To own a fine book that they've co-illustrated. 

Coming soon: my release date, and my website with coloring pages, quizzes, and contests!  

Everyone's a Critic

The other day I vehemently slammed a book shut. Josh sighed. "Here we go. You know, I thought I was marrying a nurse."

He has a way of making me laugh before I leap onto a soap box. I reminded him that he didn't like hearing my hospital stories either. Blood and guts or character and plot, dude. 

In this case, it was both. I had a good old rant about how much I hate it when the main character is a villain. I like my heroes good, fighting for something right. Not imagining ways they could kill people for looking at them wrong. I also have a problem when the purpose of every male in the story is to ogle the females, and the purpose of the females is to wear gorgeous dresses and be catty to other females. Thus the indignant slamming of the book. I had the urge to tell the whole world or at least my friends on Goodreads and Facebook to never touch this foul book.

But I just told Josh instead. Lucky him.

I picked up the next book in my library stack, a hilarious satire about 1900s London. 

The Entomological Tales of Augustus T. Percival:
PETRONELLA SAVES NEARLY EVERYONE
by Dene Low, cover illustrated by Jen Corace. 

Don't tell anyone, but I read aloud in a British accent and then it was even funnier. Think of the movie The Importance of Being Earnest with Colin Firth. Same kind of vaguely historical, mostly hysterical feel. It was, like the cover quote,"frothy". It didn't have the most gripping or high-stakes plot line, and most of the characters were totally, but kind of wonderfully, ridiculous. I liked it enough to rate it on Goodreads, which I don't do very often. I wanted to let the author know I appreciated a good laugh. Then I made the mistake of reading one of the reviews. The reviewer didn't get that it was a satire, hated the book and found it offensive. It turned into a bit of a drama in the comments, actually, which made me very sad. And made me think.

I'm very relieved that I vented my feelings about the first book to Josh and not in a more public place. I have no business reviewing a book in a genre I despise or don't get. For example, I don't read dirty romance novels. (Crotch novels, to quote my uncle). Any review I wrote would be bad. I don't read military fiction or zombie apocalypse or vampire or horror because it scares the crap out of me. Any review I wrote would be bad. And unfair. 

If you hate a book, maybe you shouldn't bother finishing it in the first place. Would you finish a bowl of tapioca if it's your food arch nemesis? (Which rhymes with emesis, which means puke. Nurse humor. You're welcome, Josh.)

Here's the point. Critics: Someone spent hours, days, months, years, blood, sweat, tears and brainwaves creating a story. You don't have to like it. You are welcome to give it a low rating if you think the story deserves it, but remember--that story you're trashing was written by a real person. 

Do you really have to hate out loud?